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Thursday, 8 September 2011

Films Forced to make Ridiculous edits I

Wrote an article for Cracked, THEY DID NOT CARE FOR IT.
So instead of having it edited or taken out of my control (They do that, they state on the writing forum) I will give it to you wonderful people, like if Daedalus didn't give his son brutal wax wings that would be his downfall, but a wonderful lecture on how the FUCKING SUN works.

(I'll be uploading this piece by piece every few days or so.)

Army Of Darkness
What's It About?

First things first, it's got a poster so bloody terrific it's an affront to God. (ALL THE GODS)

The Evil Dead is a series of films that progressed from graphic dismemberment to light-hearted humour, like a misshapen reversal of the world’s most horrifying episode of The Wiggles.
Army Of Darkness is the end of the trilogy and can be described via this obnoxious hyphenated description as an action-horror-slapstick-comedy, concerned with time travel, armies of the undead and giving Duke Nukem 60% of his dialogue.

"It's time to Kick Ass and write Sam Raimi another Royalty Cheque"

The film itself usually gets mixed reactions from hardcore fans of the series, but has never the less gone on to be a renowned cult classic referenced in everything from Shaun Of The Dead to the animated show Reboot.

If you remember this, you're officially an adult. Somebody had to remind you.

Since the film’s release Sam Raimi has become one of the biggest directors in the world due to the SpiderMan movies, whilst Bruce Campbell cemented himself as THE cult icon, adored by many and endlessly mentioned on internet forums by people who’ve never seen his movies, usually on forums entitled 'WHO SHOULD PLAY THIS POPULAR COMIC/VIDEO GAME CHARACTER'...

Inane Censorship Decision

The series has always attracted controversy, because apparently people have qualms with seeing possessed teenagers dismembered with gardening equipment. Who’d have thought eh?
Army of Darkness has one of the most erratic censorship decisions of the series with regards to violence, as you'll see...below...just be patient, ok?

In this scene from early on the film, due to an elaborate back-story concerning the previous films, Protagonist Ash finds himself thrown into a medieval pit full of ‘Deadite’ zombies who he fights off with his chainsaw arm replacement anjoshg;12;lasd- Sorry, I just...zoned out there for a second due to an overload of AWESOME.....and presumably lack of sleep.

Anyway, during the battle Ash decapitates a Deadite and a shot lasting for one second shows a splash of blood hitting the wall.
What’s that? You didn't find that small time detail deplorable and outrageous? Well the Studio did, and in the DVD commentary Raimi states that THAT SHOT ALONE would have gained the film an nc-17 rating. (The equivalent of an 18 and just as bad as releasing a film 'unrated'.)

4.47-4.474 on that clip

As you can see, there’s nothing gratuitous about it, and a shot like that would have been commonplace in most action and horror movies of the period. Compared to most violent scenes it’s extremely tame and restrained, it’s almost as if the studio were worried it’d offend people who were outraged at the notion of 4th grade biology and borders on a patronizing 'we know what's best for everybody' mentality.

What adds to the fickleness of this demand is that the studio had no problems with a scene whereby a man’s death results in, and this is not hyperbole, A GEYSER OF BLOOD. (0.50 during the aforementioned clip).
That’s not for crude comedic effect, blood erupts out of a pit in a motion reminiscent of a violent discharge of water, once again resembling, A FUCKING GEYSER.
The Irony here is that the studio has no problem with a geyser of blood (unless they downgraded it from ‘a torrent’) but bats several maladjusted eyelids at a decapitation resulting in a mild (and realistically expected) blood spatter. I’m sure we can all agree, that’s just not Groovy.

Get it?!'s a line from one of the movie- Oh I just don't know anymore...

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