Haikus from the Storey institute open mic night

Me and some creative writing friends went to the Storey open mic night.
It was....certainly something.
I documented the evening in Haikus, as you do.
Here they are.


The Open mic night
You have to sign up online
IRONIC mic night

We wanted to perform some poems, we found you had to apply online, FUCK THAT SHIT.

Jazz lasts forever
Like a musical wormhole
Oh god, it won't end

Terrible freeform jazz was the backing music, out of key cacophony like an elevator into the nine hells.

There's a disco ball
on the roof, I wonder if
they make disco cubes

I still haven't found out.

I'm taking prozac
Ironic as I've always been
more anti-zac

*BA DUM DISH*

Fin didn't get that
one would assume, hungover
that seems about right

"I'm only drinking water" became "I am drinking alcohol". Bless you Fin.

I need the toilet
I hope I don't have to pay
to come in again

You did not.

I think the compere
is a newsround version
of an alcoholic

Is this a stand up
set, or a suicidal
PTA meeting?

A level teacher
doing stand up, exactly
just what it sounds like


Polite, unoffensive, boring. Like a Quiche, or a comedian at a church fete.

5 month anniversay
gets a round of applause
love is dying

There was a competition for a 'significant anniversary' in the room, it was won by a 20 year old who had been in a relationship for 5 months......fuck.

18 year old girl
singing a lovely song
about being...friendzoned?

If I recall correctly.

The next girl sounds like
Robert smith from The Cure
which isn't a bad thing

Polite, bland 'match.com' advert music.

I still need to pee
There's a comedian on
Jokes about in-laws

This guy was a comedy Lenin. Seriously, such a revolution. His in laws are MENTAL!

A middle aged man
I'm worried he's about to
shoot himself, poems.




Divorced and angry
it's me in twenty years
oh fuck, it's me now.

Abortion poems
bitter, angry, no romance
Think I need a hug


If a mid-life crisis had a performance slot. It was like being a hostage to his emotional breakdown. If a Mike Leigh drama did poetry. Gritty Kitchen Sink divroce in Iambic pentameter.

Girl talking about
how stressful A levels are.
HA HA HA HA HA

Ukelele songs
about being in love, I
got dumped in a text...


We promptly left, and I did not write a haiku about the 43 year old man in a porkpie hat reading an 'extract from his book' about his anarchistic 19 year old lifestyle in the late 80s.
All in all, a good night.