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Friday, 16 November 2012

The Apple bandwagon pioneered by an unbelievable asshole

Is that a soup Kitchen on Christmas day? Is it a re-enactment of late 1920s Weimar era depression?
No, it's a bunch of human beings queuing for 2 days to buy a new slab of white plastic that will enable them to tell other white slab owners how amazing and revolutionary the extra 2 inches on the slab is and tell non-slab owning folk how amazing and revolutionary the extra 2 inches on the slab is.
People are like the aroma of herbs and spices at KFC....they make me dry heave and then probably vomit.
I have no problem with people buying Ipads or Apple products, we're a capitalist consumer society, by all means do what you want (within reason, we're not Sodom.) People need phones, and as long as people need Phones, people will buy Apple products, fair enough.
Iphones and Ipads are like the Gibson Les Paul; sure I can see the appeal and all the great features, but I'm perfectly content with my Explorer.
You've got an Iphone? I literally couldn't care any less, and if you act the same then we'll get on fine and dandy.

But if you queue for 2 days to buy a piece of technology that does exactly the same things as your previous piece of technology, albeit it with a slightly larger/smaller screen, then I hate everything encoded in your freedom-less DNA.

If you're willing to pay upwards of £500 for something other devices can do for 1/5th the price, but must pledge allegiance to the brand you've apparently sold your soul to in a mp3 exclusive blood oath, then I hate every hair on your head, and every hair growing beneath your pestilent, ignorant skin.

Steve Jobs was not an 'AMAZING GENIUS'.

Steve Jobs was not the Lenin of devices that popularised the phrase 'LOL'.
Steve Jobs was not somebody for whom the clocks stopped turning and the sky darkened with obsidian clouds of grief when he died.

Steve Jobs was an asshole.

My only regret about holding this is that I can't  flip the bird to you all.

Yes death is sad, that's a given, and I never met the man, so I'll hastily add IN MY OPINION. This isn't a zero conditional, like water boiling at 100 degrees or Sammy Hagar being a far superior singer than David Lee Roth. It's merely my opinion that Steve Jobs was an asshole, and if people are going to obsess over his products and hail false cries of superiority to whichever God they choose to worship (even though the Flying Spaghetti monster uses a Motorola Atrix), they need to do some fucking light reading.

Let's start with something easy, right off the bat. Steve Jobs returned to Apple in 1997 and immediately cancelled all of their philanthropic activities. According to various friends he believed that expanding Apple would have been more worthwhile and beneficial to people than giving money to charity.

Fair enough, you've not making enough money (even though you are), just resume it at a later date right?

Except he never did, even in the 2000s when the Iphone became the second biggest selling gadget on the planet, just behind the Rubik's cube. Instead, he helped set up 'PROJECT RED' with Bono, which produced red versions of APPLE devices to give the proceeds to charity. Even then, Apple wasn't donating, customers were, regular folks who weren't part of billion dollar enterprises. When none of your profits are going to charity, it's not charity, it's you pointing at a charity and going ' guys should give money to this, but only at the incentive of spreading awareness about our products and company name'.
Here's a completely unrelated paste from Wikipedia about Bill Gates, you know AWFUL BILL GATES, GOD HE SURE IS AWFUL.
As of 2007 Bill Gates and Melinda Gates were the second most generous philanthropists in America, having given over $28 billion to charity. They plan to eventually give 95% of their wealth to charity.

The fact is, Jobs sincerely thought that Apple products would 'improve the quality of life'. Because we all know that dialysis machines and cancer research can't compete with the ability to IM somebody a hi def photo of your parted anus.

I was hoping for the ability to store up to 1 million songs....will my life of hell never cease?!

Jobs was the monomaniacal, angry, abusive head of a company seen only in Steven Segal films, or a Chris Brown concert. He apparently fired employees from PIXAR without notice, and when Pamela Kerwin, a pixar employee, politely asked he at least give them two weeks notice, he replied with "Okay, but the notice is retro-active from two weeks ago"

Even this guy would call Steve Jobs a 'massive erection of a human being'

There's having to make cutbacks, and then there's doing it in such a motion of Machiavellian assholery that you appear as nothing more than an utterly repugnant human being. And to do it to PIXAR? Wonderful, delightful, innovative, idea defying PIXAR? He may as well emailed every person who grew up with their movies a JPEG of him teabagging Sully from Monsters Inc.

There's plenty more I could go into, but this blog is really an introduction to articles such as these:

Steve Jobs was CEO of a billion dollar industry, he was also a monumental prick.
Those two are not related, and the latter is not excusable because of the former.

If you're going to cry salutations of vigor and wonder to a figure in the media, do some research first.
I have a Motorola phone, it texts, calls people, has apps and can play music. It's what a hip young go-getter could ever need.....and me.
For all I know, Motorola could create their products through energy produced by burning slaves who don't assemble covers fast enough. They might have corporate retreats where they harpoon rare birds and then fight with the corpses. They might buy out orphanages and turn them into bookshops that only stock mills and boon erotica.
But that's not relevant, because I don't act like my phone is a slate of intellect and wonder carved by the Olympians.
I occasionally use it to text poorly auto-corrected nonsense and I shut the fuck up whilst doing it.
If you're 'only apple exclusive' and think Steve Jobs was the last remnant of human decency, then you're an asshole.
If you worship an asshole, you're an asshole.

I have no problem with Apple products, or people who use them. I have a problem with a culture so distracted by unnecessary 'convenience' and product recognition, they unwittingly sing the praises of a man who should have known, and acted, better.

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