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Tuesday, 6 November 2012

An experiment in writing.

So it's national novel writing month or NANOWRIMO as it has been labelled by people who like acronyms but just can't commit to that ole' one-letter-representing-each-word style (NNWM. Ooh, look at that, I feel like that...famous gay artist. The one who was 'revolutionary' and stuff. He had the paintings of soup...and Marilyn monroe. I've honestly forgotten his name, it'll come to me I hope.)

Anyway, this blog isn't about NNWM, but how I write these blogs. You see, I'm rather haphazard with these. It takes me a couple of days to do one that's about 500 words long merely out of repeating writers block, hatred for everything my hands create like an end of novel Victor Frankenstein spitting regret and insurmountable rage towards a sentence fragment based horror of his own creation. I can't just...sit and hammer something out, I come back to it like a forgetful Dad not fit to look after a child.
That's why I'm writing all of this in a stream of conscious style monologue, no breaks or pauses, merely consecutive typing until I reach what I hope is some tuft of a satisfying conclusion (Unlike LOST, or some other pop culture reference. I mean seriously, more unanswered questions than Alex Reid doing a Year 10 SAT exam about colours.)
It's rather interesting to see this barebones, storyboard esque approach to writing, the only editing being the incorrect spelling of words or minor adjustments to sentence structure such as adding 'ands' or 'the's.'. It's also why there's a 20-ish word tirade about Andy Warhol up there, a man whose name I just remembered after I wrote the word 'tuft', it's also why some metaphors and similes and all that jazz aren't up to my usual standard, because normally I have a skeleton which I'll then edit with something far more eloquent (I immediately regret using that word), witty and of higher quality. For example, I have no Idea if Alex Reid is colourblind, that was merely the first set of refugees that crossed the border from 'Idea dictatorship' into my people's republic of 'funny similies'.
It's not been that hard to just sit and type stuff out, but its' a lot less refined than I'd like (clearly) and it doesn't really have any coherent thread or overall message, but again that's more due to the context than the pace at which I am writing, so I'm just complaining at the wind really, like a bitter old man, being all...bitter and...shit.
See, I'm not deleting words, nor amending them, you're getting everything raw and poorly formed and full of colloquialisms that for some reason I am typing, such as 'like' and whatnot. That's how dedicated I am to the cause. Although I did just delete a comma and replace it with a full stop just now, but that's more to enable you to read this easily (as opposed to that fucking awful sentence preceding this set of brackets, which in itself is tedious to read).

I'm sure if Hemmingway or Sylvia Plath wrote something like this it'd be hailed as a fucking goldmine of the creative process (I don't know if Plath wrote prose actually, so, again, that example may fail as an....example. Christ this is like how I talk to women, jarring, jabbering, and with all the progressive appeal of a sandwich full of thumbtacks, acid and contempt. On a side note, I think I got that thumbtacks reference from an episode of  The Simpsons, I probably did, that'd be something I'd change in the Edit.
Is the Simpsons really relevant anymore? It's flogging a dead horse to say the quality has dipped more severely than a bouncy castle now infested with cockroaches and switchblade wielding gang members, and there's no overall story arc of plot progress with a show like Community or Breaking Bad, so just get rid of it already and let us enjoy the current ratio of good/bad episodes before that margin (more like MARGE-IN, hhur hur) is ruined, and it'll be a dolorous sense of nostalgia when we say "Remember when the Simpsons was enjoyable, and not overwrought, sometimes cringeworthy and often pointless"? I reckon as it stands, I can watch a random episode and 6/10ths of the time, it'll be a stone cold classic (Stone cold? I would never use that idiom, fucking hell. FUCKING HELL I SAY)

Also Family Guy, stop shoving sentimental, sanctimonious and depressing story points into your episodes (Cancer, abortion, rape?) Really? You know, those plot points that ultimately converge at the end of the episode with some made for tv string music in the background and Lois/Brian making a serious heartfelt plea to another character. It is jarring, embarrasing and a horrible juxtaposition to the 5 minutes prior that consisted of jokes insinuating an 80s cartoon character is gay or a character soiled themselves. Nobody wants that, you have nothing to try and prove to yourself. People know WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE. Barn Door, Horse, Bolt.
People watch you for a quick 20 minutes of fast paced humour and idiosyncratic jokes, do not garnish it in preachy subtext or lifetime TV style plot points, it's patronising, pandering, and actually more offensive than any other content in the show itself.
South Park CAN do this, because it can successfully balance both serious and funny without the addition of the former being jarring and taking you out of the episode.
American Dad is clearly superior to Family Guy anyway.

Oh, ain't that Grand, I just wrote about something without stopping, brilliant. I HAVE THE POWER and all that progressive free-form danish Jazz. Even so, I'd edit it ruthlessly like a literature based Bond Villain if it were any other blog entry.

I don't really know how to finish this, which is kind of ironic and something I hoped I wouldn't have to put and now I hate myself and want to punch my larynx with all the vigour and malice of a Celtic woad warrior being offended about his long hair that stands as a symbol to tribal custom.
Hey that's as good a place as any, hope you enjoyed this experiment.
I did.
Kind of.
Maybe Not.
I'm outta here (Aladdin reference.)

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