Between a Rock and...a social metaphor.

Did you get candy, or are you one of the kids who keeps getting rocks? (Also ghost outfits?...Well done...how original. Charlie Brown you boring fart)

People who know me, or are aware of me, or listen to EVERY SINGLE JOKE I make, may be aware that I'm not the most socially successful human being of my age group. I've got a rejection list longer than a Charles Manson Parole, and I often fluctuate between 'serial killer awkward' and 'other serial killer dead silent'.
Some people get pissed off if I acknowledge it (as in, MY LIFE), but I'm the one who has to make due and do my best to deal with it. Just like plenty of other people of my age group, I'm not asking for sympathy (SAVE IT YOU HACKS), but using this as a set up to a particularly interesting analogy a friend of mine raised on the matter.

Via gratuitous Copypasta, this is pretty much what she said.

"Because you're actually the guy with a backpack of rocks

• you're wearing this backpack of rocks

• and everybody else is running and doing flips and swimming and stuff

• and you're like

• why can't I do that

• but nobody else has the bag of rocks"

Now, like any great writer I am taking a concept that isn't remotely my own, and expanding on it as if I have the right to because I'm all 'Urgh...I should have thought of that.'

I stole all my ideas from homeless people who I murdered in turn.

These rocks can be anything, depression, unemployed, lonely, a virgin, socially rejected, eating issues, religious difficulties, varied political differences. A whole myriad of metaphorical rocks. Some smaller and more easy to deal with, and others incredibly difficult, that actively get worse over time. Some people have a few, and a minority are forced to deal with a lot of the more heavier ones (So whichever rock-ratio governing committee decides that, piss right off)

You might only have one of these things, like a handbag (or a *gratuitous air quotes* 'manbag') with a few pebbles in. In which case, good for you! Have...a reward or something. I don't know, I'm not...Argos.
Unfortunately a few people tend to have an entire rucksack of stones (is that...a sex...pun? I don't know), and I know plenty of people like that, myself included.
But I'm REALLY good at kerplunk, so you know, Swings and Roundabouts.


It's pretty much EXACTLY like this. Just with sticks and marbles.

People with a lot of these *synonyms for rocks* tend to feel frustrated among people of their age group, especially in an enclosed environment like University or an enforced labour camp. You might be uncomfortable with socialising with people or even forming a relationship with somebody who you know is already rid of one of the more notable stones in your bag. You don't like the idea of them having to slow down and take some steps back because you're struggling to keep up. You feel as if it'll piss them off, or that you're not on their 'level'. And hell, some people don't want to deal with people like that, because they're fartnargling arseholes. I've had people find it difficult to have conversations with me or even been uncomfortable around me for various things (I'm naming no names, this isn't a self satisfied Witch Hunt....I'm not 1658, or North Korea).

(I'm also worried this is turning into a saccharine 'motivational' readers digest style YOU CAN DO IT, post. I'd never be that patronising or ignorant of such complicated issues, so to lighten the mood here is a video of Alison Brie from Community.)


Words...cannot...describe. Also Donald Glover, he's pretty nifty.

Are you unfortunate enough to have this bag of rocks? Then let people know, I'm not saying yell it in their noses like a street-based religious Zealot, or use it as a 'get of jail free card' for every single occasion. But if you could calmly let people know (via a Haiku or a forest song accompanied by a carved wooden flute) that you have difficulties and some issues, they'll be a lot more understanding than if you just...expect them to guess.
I know there's been times when I've felt like a 'lesser person' or been actively envious of people who've managed to get rid of certain stones (when this metaphor gets churlish and tedious let me know...) with great ease, whilst I still get an enormous amount of difficulty with certain basics most people were done with years ago. (Every time I see a facebook profile picture with two happy people in I feel like the result of somebody who lost a bet at the face factory)But I realised it doesn't mean you're worth any less, you just got dealt a shitter bag of rocks from whichever fiends are in charge. FIENDS I SAY. *Lightning hits a church roof*

Or maybe you don't have a bag and you're lucky enough to be able to perform a triple pirouette (metaphorically) and you know somebody who constantly carries this metaphorical bag? If you could slow your pace by a couple of steps and, not even helping them out, but merely acknowledging what they've got, then it would benefit everybody involved, and maybe loosen a few stones in that bag. (You'd also not look like a dick, so that's a plus.)



I'm not quite sure what this post was about, but I need to be inspirational and 'not awful' about once a year or I'll turn into a 19th century child slave owner. With fiendish moustache and...trade connections in Russia.