A poetic analysis of 'Drunk as Fuck' by Ludacris

Today I will be anaylsing perhaps one of the most significant literary pieces that I have encountered in my professional (non professional) career as a ‘blog joke person’ that I just this very moment made up.
This bastion of lyrical prowess is the musical piece ‘Drunk as Fuck’ by Ludacris, seen here with sideburns clearly made out of pen.

That earring cost more than your university tuition.

So with haste, let us analyse the opening stanza of this piece.

Everybody With Me Drunk As Fuck,
Break It Down And Roll It Up.
Everybody With Me Drunk As Fuck,
Break It Down And Roll It Up.

With this Ludacris (Or Luda as his ‘homeboys’ are wont to frequently label him) has immediately given us a situation. He is intoxicated, as are everybody around him. This situation will be ‘broken down’ (not to be confused with the ‘breaking down’ of oils into their more concentrated forms), a self aware device reflecting on the minimalism of this piece and Luda’s preference for more quiet laidback affairs. After ‘breaking’, the situation will then be ‘rolled up’, perhaps meaning ‘wrapped up’, as in that Ludacris has a schedule to keep, and will be ending the party at a responsible and considerate time for all involved.
What is interesting is that there appears to a minimum limit for the amount of drunkness involved. Ludacris is no lax dandy, he is a professional, striving to ensure a rigorous equilbirum is maintained throughout this ordeal.

“Excuse me, how drunk are you?”
“I am shitfaced my good sir.”
“Unfortunately that is not enough, ‘fuck’ is the minimum at this soiree.”

Ok now let’s see the next verse of this epic.

Everybody With Me Drunk As Fuck,
Break It Down And Roll It Up.
Everybody With Me Drunk As Fuck,
Break It Down And Roll It Up.

Well, there’s nothing wrong with repetition, it’s a good way to enforce a point or recurring theme, so good on Luda for employing this device. Anyway, let’s see what we have next.

Everybody With Me Drunk As Fuck,
Break It Down And Roll It Up.
Everybody With Me Drunk As Fuck,
Break It Down And Roll It Up.

Really...? Again? Part of me is wondering what motive is here, intense postmodern self awareness, or just...bloody laziness. Ok, one more chance Luda, let’s see what this is leading up to.

Everybody With Me Drunk As Fuck,
Break It Down And Roll It Up.
Everybody With Me Drunk As Fuck,
Break It Down And Roll It Up.

Oh for fucks sake....
Anyway, with that preamble over, let us begin to discuss the more diverse lyrics of this piece.

Everybody Got Their Quilas With 'em,”

With this, Ludacris is stating that everybody at this party has their own individual ‘quilas’ of ‘tequila’ bottle, as such this is clearly a BYOB event, and everybody has politely obliged to maintain this. Perhaps Ludacris also means ‘quills’, (although in his own African-american vernacular manner of speech) and everybody will proceed to get drunk ‘as fuck’ and write various forms of free verse, a manner routinely employed by T.S Eliot.

Who wants to fucckkkinng fight theeen?! I'll fuccckiinng have anyyy of you!

Eight Figures In The Bank And I Pull Your Rank.

Mr Cris is clearly a fan of rare antique figurines, perhaps of bears or marigolds, and as such he has accumulated 8 so far, storing them in a safe place in order to preserve their well being. A wise move.
He also seems to be indicating that he is in quite a high position in the armed forces, a notable trait considering the time he dedicates to his rap career, clearly multitasking is integral to this man’s livelihood.

Big Body Cadallic, Women In The Back Seat,

Clearly Ludacris is no stranger to social engagement, and as such has the correct automobile for when he is chaufering his numerous companions around. Perhaps as the designated driver. And who said chivalry was dead!

Bitches be tripping when I respect their emotions.

Get Your Cake Up, Get Your Weight Up, Way Up To The Top Till You Can't Go

Cake? Perhaps this is a catered event, whereby the ‘drunk as fuck’ partygoers will be able to dine on the finest pastries and desserts. And apparently in such a large quantity, due to his demand that the ‘weight’ be increased. Or perhaps he is merely stating that the more cake you eat, the fatter you will get, a clever double meaning from this illustrious wordsmith.

These Bitches Is After My Riches And Yes I Smell Blood And Murder.

But hark! Listen! A twist most foul has been bought upon Luda! His female companions are intending to murder this hard working man for his well deserved riches! Or perhaps Ludacris is suffering from PTSD, and cannot remove the stench of battle from his nostrils, this would make sense considering his early revelation of being in the armed forces.
These ‘Bitches’ as he labels them (quite apt considering their motives), are onto Luda, how will he react?! What cunning Machiavellian reaction shall he employ?!

When I Cock Back-
Better Drop That-
Can't Block That-
Lock That-

Clearly Ludacris is at first distracting these women with a cockrel, it’s hearty crowing a loud distraction for his next move. Yes, dropping to the floor, a great way of evading blows and, if Luda has the leg strength, an ample position to defend oneself via the Brazilian style of ‘capoeira’, a martial art that combines dance and music.
He clearly uses this effectively, as his attackers cannot block ‘that’. And all that is left to do is ‘lock’ that. ‘That’ clearly being his attackers, as they are locked behind bars. Hussies incarcerated, where they shall never maliciously assault a well meaning rapper in the armed forces.

And how does Luda celebrate such a well executed escape?

Everybody With Me Drunk As Fuck,
Break It Down And Roll It Up.
Everybody With Me Drunk As Fuck,
Break It Down And Roll It Up.

Ahh, full circle, a clever lyrical device that gives the piece a rounded finality yet an ethereal timeless circle of energy.
Be drunk as fuck good sir....
You have earned it.